Thursday, April 22, 2010
Begin Again..
I know I haven't posted in a while .The truth is I have been struggling with myself and art. I took a Cloth and Clay doll class . I was excited to begin. I had never sewn before or worked with clay .I got out the little sewing machine and I taught myself from you tube how to get it going. It wasn't perfect but I thought ok , It's not to bad .I then moved onto clay over the fabric . I worked and worked and worked and I was very unhappy with the result. The face was not attractive at all. I walked out of that room covered in clay looking disheveled and beaten.My husband looked at me standing at the top of the stairs and said"what In the world"? At that moment I said to myself "You are not an Artist" . I told myself I just was not good enough. I whined and swore I was not going to create anymore. Then the clouds parted and the sun came out .... Ok , it didn't, but I was reminded by a very recent post and then another that I am not alone . Trying to embrace your mistakes and be a beginner is not easy. It hard not to compare yourself to others and to live with the awkwardness of learning. It's hard when your inner critic is breathing down your back to keep going . Art seems to bring up all my inner issues. Perfectionism and control do not mix well with art but what are my options ? I can quit or find my way through. Thank you Tracy for reminding me that I am not alone . I will find my way through this .I will just begin again.
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Hi Jackie, you are not alone. I always want instant perfection too, and it's fustrating--not that I don't get perfection, but that
ReplyDeleteI expect it everytime. We just need to enjoy the process of just playing--I know easier said than done. Don't ever stop creating!!
There are all sorts of things I've tried that I've felt I've failed at. They've all got me down and then I've got into something else. If you've got any creative spirit in you, you'll find something else and keep going til something says to you 'this is me'. Ultimately it's the doing that's the creative act, not fulfilling some idea of what success is. Be well.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone feels this from time to time, Jackie. Especially when trying new things. I try new things all the time and am SO glad nobody can see my flops! ;) But I tell myself to move on and either keep at it or try something else and see where that new road takes me. You are NOT alone!!
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel this more often than I care to be as transparent about as you are. You have amazed and encouraged me with your struggle. Seriously. and reading others comments on here, I feel like I'm not alone. I appreciate your sharing. May I say that God would not have given you such a desire to create if He didn't create you an artist. You bless me.
ReplyDeleteT
Oh Jackie, I fully understand. I too can get discouraged with my art and usually it's because I am being way to hard on myself, because I'm listening to the ole' perfectionism virus! I think creating is a lot like anything else in our life, where when we stop trying so hard and just enjoy being creative for the pleasure it brings, then out of no where when we least expect it, great things happen. I always have to remind myself that "the only way around is through". Continue being the special and creative soul God made you Jackie!
ReplyDeleteLee Ann
I don't know if I've told you this, but I too have had dismal failures in art. I feel like things are just awful messes and I should give up. If it weren't for the DECADES of being an artist, I might also think that I wasn't an artist.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm trying to say here is that even "real" artists feel that way sometimes. It's part of the process. And accepting the ugly stage as part of the process is part of what makes one an artist, in my opinion.
I have sometimes shown my ugly phase in a painting on my blog, and then I work through it and show the result.
When I was doing my 100 paintings in 100 days, I had to show my attempts at paintings on my blog, even when they came out horribly. Let me tell you, that's a good exercise for the recovering perfectionist. Just keep going. What you learn is so much more important sometimes than what you put on the paper.